The Matchmakers

I'm about to drop some universal truth: Dating sucks.

Yes, I realize that I say that a lot. But it's true. Sure, there are individual cases where fun is had, a hot connection might be made, a temporary relationship is developed, and a great experience might be lived. But in the grand scheme of things, dating is just not a favored activity. The always putting your best foot forward to make a good impression, the awkward silence of trying to find something in common with this stranger sitting across from you, the sifting through the duds to find that one person who stimulates your mental acumen while at the same time sends flurries of butterflies soaring through your insides. Then there's the chess game of "who calls who and when?" and the business deal of "would a merger between our two entities be profitable in the long run?".

It's exhausting and frustrating.

Every single has reached this conclusion at some point in their lives (although not all would be so ready to admit to it). But if we want to avoid the dating game, we only have two options: be content to live alone for the rest of our lives or get married (which incidentally requires us to continue playing the dating game).

Add in the unavoidable factor of advancing age and suddenly dating becomes a community project. Seemingly out of the blue, I'm bombarded with well-intentioned matchmakers.

Now it's also complicated.

See, the problem with letting someone else fix you up is that no one can determine what will attract one person to another. "Good looking", "cute", "handsome", and "attractive" are all relative terms that can only be decided by the beholder. And it doesn't matter how wonderfully kind and intelligent someone is, if you can't imagine yourself at some point wanting to kiss him, you might as well forget it. But no one can decide who I will eventually want to kiss but me.

Then there's the true motive behind introducing one person to another. Did this matchmaker look over ALL the potentials out there, study my behavior patterns, learn the other person's temperament, and come to a real solid conclusion that yes, we would in fact make a great match? Or was it thought "single boy + single girl = match"?

And unless you are actually using some kind of matchmaking service, these dates must be approached with extreme caution because unlike normal dates, these situations are no longer just about the two people who are going out. All of a sudden, the interactions between the two who got set up become of interest (and assumed right-to-know) to the matchmaker. And what happens between them could have negative consequences, not just on the "couple" but on the third-party. Suppose, for example, that someone sets me up with this guy who is just a "great, wonderful, teddy bear of a guy who deserves someone great". I meet him and determine that while he is nice, he's not kissable to me. Then I become the Shallow Bitch. Or someone sets me up with this guy they work with because he's "cute, funny, really nice, and seems ready for a commitment". But then he ditches me at a party to hit on another girl that he finds more attractive. Then suddenly this coworker is a Deadbeat Jerkface. If one of us stops calling without warning or reason, that person is suddenly the Flake who can no longer be counted on. See the problem?

Let this serve as a warning to all you well-meaning would-be matchmakers out there. Dating is tricky enough; be sure you know exactly what you are doing before you decide to "help".

And yes, I have a real point to all this blather:

I had a coffee date last night. He's a coworker of someone I know from church. We've talked a couple of times on the phone and decided to meet up. Actually, to be more accurate, he talked and I listened (he's far more chatty than I am). I put off getting together a couple of times because I just wasn't feeling it, but eventually I gave in. Mostly because I'm tired of my family thinking that I'm not dating because I'm still hung up on him (although, it's a fair concern. In those quiet moments of introspective reflection, I wonder the same thing). But I also agreed because I had no real reason not to meet him.

We met after I got off work at one of the MANY coffee places Vancouver is privy to. We met, drank coffee, and chatted.

I am currently undecided about him. Nothing about him immediately offends me, but nothing really grabs me either. I can't date him just to make everyone else happy, but I don't want to write him off too quickly. Guess all I can do now is proceed with caution and hope that my church friends can respect my desire to maintain a bit of privacy while I work through it.

Have I mentioned lately how much I hate dating?