Making Change

I'm a creature of habit. I like having a set routine, knowing what I'm going to be doing every week, being able to plan my schedule. I always eat at the same food joints, shop at specific stores, and run around with all the usual suspects. It makes me feel safe, comfortable, and slightly in control of my sometimes out of control life.

But I'm also a Sagitarian. Which means that every couple years or so, I need to shake things up, break up the routine, and/or get a change of scenery. I start getting restless and irritable, bored and a little destructive. Sometimes little changes cure this: rearranging my living environment is a quick and easy fix that usually takes the edge off a little. Other times it requires moving across the country or suddenly changing career paths to fix it. Something, anything, that forces a new set of habits and outlook for my future.

Change is both desired and resisted by me. It's at the same time a friend and an enemy to the different sides of me. Change is Deema's frenemy.

Today the desire for change is outweighing my preference for routine. And I'm afraid that simply moving my furniture won't be enough.

So, how should I go about making the desired changes this time? I've got a few ideas and I'm weighing through the pros and cons of each option.

The community center near my apartment has some interesting looking classes coming up. There are two in particular that I'm considering. One is a dance class. It's kind of like an updated, night-club version of ballroom dancing, which I think is neat. I've always wanted to take a ballroom dancing class but I realize that it's kind of silly since no one ballroom dances any more. But it would be nice to at least feel like I'm a little coordinated if/when I go out to dance clubs. Besides, I need to get out and do something that moves my body once in awhile. The other class is a basic digital photography class. It will give me the basics of my camera so that I can use it to get optimum pictures. That's a step. I'd like to eventually take a photography class that will help me learn to take very beautiful and artistic pictures, like my friend Riikka does. Her pictures are so gorgous that I read her blog just for the chance to see what she's taking a picture of (I would read it to keep up on her life, but she writes most of it in Finnish so I have no idea what she's writing about. But the pictures are lovely). But so far I haven't found a class that teaches that at a time that I can make, so I will have to settle for learning to take lovely normal pictures. Since the classes are at the community center, they are not too expensive and they are only for a short period of time (the photography class is only one night) rather than a whole quarter or semester, like at the college.

I'm also thinking about joining a new group at the church. It's for the singles ages 30 and older. They meet for bible study on Friday nights, so I'm going to make an appearance tonight and see what I think. I'm a little hesitant to committ to joining the group right now. I don't see the logic in holding bible study on a Friday night. Especially for single people. I mean, I would understand if they had a standing Friday night activities night, but not bible study. It's hard to imagine that many single people turn down a Friday night date because they would rather go to the church and read about Revelations. But, hey, maybe it will be better than I am expecting. Maybe there is more to it than what I imagine when I think "bible study". If nothing else, it's time for me to make some more single friends. I think I'm down to two now. And I rarely hang out with either of them any more. There is another group I COULD join, but they are the singles ages 18 to 30 and I really think it's time for me to start mingling with more grown-up singles. If I ever want out if this status, I need to meet people who are also ready for a new status.

Speaking of being more grown-up, I discovered that there are channels on my TV past the Disney Channel. I actually found other channels that play some of my favorite "grown-up" shows like House, CSI, and Sex and the City. I haven't had Disney on all week. It got me thinking.... maybe that's something else that is due for a change. On the other hand, my brother acusses me of acting like I'm "over 30". Yes, that's what I am, but is it really necessary to completely lose touch with the simple and childish things that keep me young? How do I find a balance between the little girl I used to be and the old woman I seem to be becoming?

I'm also considering changing careers. Or at least applying for a new job. This one does have a lot of pros and cons attached to it. The biggest being that I would have to move to California if I got it. But, don't worry, the chances of me getting it are very, very, very close to non-existant. See, it's for an Assistant Controller and it would be the direct supervisor of my youngest brother. Since most companies have a rule against relatives working with, let alone supervising, each other, I'm not hopeful. But it makes me feel good to know that I'm making that attempt. I'm hoping that even just preparing myself mentally for a big change like that, even if it doesn't actually happen, will be enough to kick me into a new routine.

I'm not sure what tomorrow holds for me, but I'm tired of waiting around. I really want to get out there and do something, make something, BE something. If good things aren't going to just happen for me, then I'll have to get out there and MAKE them happen.