Day 30: What I've Learned About Me

Wow, 30 days already? And I actually made it. I'm sort of proud of myself.

So, what have I learned about myself in the past 30 days?

• I learned that I actually can live my life AND keep my blog somewhat up-to-date
• I learned that I really, really miss writing (I had suspected as much, but now I realize how much)
• I learned that I don't always have to write something profound to be interesting.
• I learned I think best at night before I go to bed (unfortunately, that's usually when I'm most tired too)

And on the non-blog related issues?

• I learned that I actually like doing the domestic life things.
• I learned that I enjoy cooking and don't mind doing the dishes.
• I learned that I really need my "me" time sometimes.
• I learned that it's possible to fight with Jeff and not feel any less close to him in the aftermath.

I probably learned a lot more about myself in the past month, but these are the things that really stick out to me. Now I have to figure out how to challenge myself to keep moving forward with all this new knowledge.

Day 29: A Picture of Me As a Child

Probably one of my family's favorites. Definitely one of mine. This was taken at Oaks Park and I'm pretty sure I was less than two (cuz if I remember correctly, I finally started getting hair that made me look like a girl at two). Check me out on my tiny roller skates! My mom still has them too! Cute, huh?

Day 28: My Favorite Musician and Why

I'm not really sure I have a favorite musician. I have several favorite artists for various reasons, but to narrow it down to one all-time favorite seems impossible to me.

* I love the singer Josh Groban because his voice is the kind to make you melt. Whether he sings in English or Italian or someother language I don't understand, the sound of his voice is enough for me to keep the song turned on.

* I love various bands like Keane, Matchbox 20, Vampire Weekend, and the Foo Fighters simply because I love their sound. They all have a different sound, all very distinct and unique, and I love each of them for it.

* I love Mozart because he gave us such amazing music in his time. It's wonderful music to study by, or relax to, or sometimes just have in the background. I've heard it said that his music can stimulate the mind and that people who listen to it are actually a little smarter. How can you NOT love music that makes you smarter?

* I love Kenny G and the way he plays the sax. His is the music romantic evenings are made from.

* I have a special fondness for Henry Mancini because without him, the song I consider the most beautiful and romantic (Moon River) would never have been. He will always have a special place in my heart for giving me the song to which Jeff proposed and I walked down the aisle to meet my husband.

My guess is that since he has the most special meanings to me, Henry Mancini would be the closest to "my favorite musician" that I can get.

Day 27: A Picture of My Family

Hmm. . .  Well, the problem I face here is trying to determine which family I'm supposed to be considering. I feel like I'm in a transition period of my life and my family is shifting, but into what, exactly, I'm not sure.

Are we talking about my family of origin?

Or my newly established nuclear family?

Is it the combination of the two?

What about the whole crazy lot of them that we spend the holidays with?

See my dilemma here?

Day 26: How I Think People View Me

How I think people view me? My best guess would be with their eyes. But then again, I could be wrong.

Oh, I suppose you're looking for something a bit more profound than that. Well, let me think. . .



I guess first of all, it depends on where you are and who you are asking. When I lived in Tennessee, people saw me as very liberal and kind of stuck up. But here in the Pacific Northwest, I'm seen as somewhat conservative and maybe a uncomfortable in situations.

I'm pretty sure, though, that most people will agree that they think I'm a little bit of a princess. Course, they don't mean it in a bad way; I can't tell you how many people have said that Giselle from Enchanted reminds them of me. That might be true, although I personally don't think I'm that bad.

I think some people probably think I'm a little high maintenance. My husband would tell you that I am a little needy at times. I try not to be, but I guess sometimes I just come across that way.

I'm also pretty sure that most people would say that they view me as a "fashionable" person. I'm not into name brands or keeping up with fashion trends, but according to most my friends, I have a good sense of style and I wear my clothes well. Most my friends and family think of shoes when they think of me. I'm probably the most girly person most my friends know. Is that good or bad? Sometimes I wonder if they see me as shallow and ditzy, something along the lines of a Clueless girl or Legally Blond type. Course, eventually she proved herself to be rather clever, so I guess that wouldn't be too bad.

Most people tell me that they think I'm very smart. I think in reality, I'm just pretending well because most of the time I don't feel as smart as they seem to expect me to be. But I'll take smart over ditzy any day. They think I'm creative and clever. Sometimes I feel like I'll disappoint them if they ever realize how hard some of it is for me.

Some of my friends might think I'm a little too adventurous. I sometimes have no problem going outside of their comfort zone just to try something new. I'm always careful, but I can rarely get my friends to come along with me, which tells me I'm just a little too extreme for them.

My husband sometimes views me as lazy. He's probably right and I try really hard not to be, but I just don't feel the need to do all the things he seems to think should be done sometimes. 

Kids like me, so I know that people have to see something really good in me. I know that almost everyone I'm around usually finds my humor at some point, and somehow everyone seems to get it. I wonder how many of them recognize that really I'm just sarcastic, but try to put a gentle spin on it? Maybe some people do recognize the sarcasm and think that I'm mean. I don't know, cuz they don't tell me that.

I'm better at answering how I hope they view me. I hope people see me as kind and loving, devoted to my friends and family, and reliable. I hope they think of me as giving. I hope when they think of me, it's as smart, fair, funny, gentle, and honest. I hope they see tolerance and non-conformity (at least in the mindless, follow-the-herd mentality). I hope when the time comes, people remember me for the version I try very hard to portray and not so much for the parts I see when I'm inside looking out.

Day 25: 10 Things I Want to Do

Here they are, in no particular order:

1. Have children

2. Visit England

3. Get my scrapbooks up-to-date
4. Create a family recipe book
5. Go to a circus
6. Go to Marti Gras in Louisiana
7. Spend my birthday in Hawaii
8. Learn to dance (tap, swing, ballroom, anything. . .)
9. Go to Boston and see the things I missed last time (Fenway Stadium!)
10. Convince Jeff to let me have a dog (he's okay with it on a hypothetical level, now I just have to get it on a reality level)

Day 24: The Last Random Act of Kindness I Encountered

Does it count if it was my husband? He doesn't think so, but sometimes I can't help but be overwhelmed at his kind and thoughtful ways toward me.

I know I mentioned this particular event on Facebook the other day, but it's such an amazing act of kindness (in my opinion) that it deserves being told again:

Jeff and I went to Sears to use some of the gift cards that we had gotten for the wedding. We debated between a power drill and a bedding set and finally settled on a bedding set (but we went back for his drill the next day). The cashier put the comforter-sheets-and-pillowcases set in the largest bag she could find and Jeff carried the awkward package out for me.

When we got outside the store, we saw it was pouring rain (gotta love our great Washington weather). We hadn't brought the umbrella because when we left the apartment, it was clear and dry. The car wasn't too far away, but we would be drenched when we got to it anyway.

Jeff told me to wait where I was (safe and dry under the stores awning) and he would go get the car and bring it to me. I remember thinking "Aw, what a sweet guy!" He left our bulky purchase with me and went out to brave the cold downpour of rain.

That's not the part that surprised me. As much as I appreciated it, it's what I expected any gentleman would do in that situation. No, the thing that got me was after he drove the car around to where I was waiting. I had picked up the bag and was ready to make the run to the car to throw it in the back seat before getting myself in the car when I saw his door open. Jeff jumped out of his seat, ran around the car (in the pouring rain!) and opened my door so that I only had to spend minimal time in the rain. He took the bag from me and put it in thte backseat and then ran around to his seat and got in.

I know, it doesn't seem like much, but Jeff had already braved the wet and was safe and warm in the car. I fully expected to take care of getting myself and the bag in the car on my own. I didn't expect him to give up his dryness once again just to keep me out of the rain as much as possible.

Jeff says that this shouldn't count as a "random act of kindness" because to him there was nothing random about it. It's what he thinks should always be done. He hates that I make a big deal of it, but to me it IS a big thing. Most guys I know (and pretty much all the ones I dated) would only have gone as far as bring the car over to me. After that, it would be every man for himself. But not Jeff. He's just so kind that way.

It's one of the things I love most about him.

Day 23: The Last Thing To Make Me Cry

Yesterday: Memorial Day 2011

Jeff has a tradition to watch the movie Saving Private Ryan on Memorial Day. It helps him remember those who serve our country and all they have to give up for us to have the freedom we take for granted.

I, on the other hand, try to avoid war movies as much as possible. I just don't like seeing the brutality of war (I know, strange coming from someone who loves watching scary movies, but the difference is in the reality vs. fiction. War is real; ghosts are not).

But I do like traditions and I especially like starting to set up "family traditions" with my husband, so I told him I'd sit downstairs while he watched the movie. I couldn't promise I'd watch it, but I'd be there with him.

But I did watch it. I watched the story unfold and I watched all those men die trying to save one young man because he was the last of his brothers to remain in the war. I watched as they desperately tried to avoid sending a fourth letter to the mother that her sacrifice for the countries was the greatest of them all.

At the end of the movie, of course I was in tears. So many lives, so many people, so many lost loved ones.

Jeff left the room and I sat and let the impact of the movie sink in. It was more than just a handful of characters that I had spent the last three hours with. What about all those nameless men slaughtered in the backgrounds? What about ALL the mothers, wives, siblings and children who had to hear that their men would never be returning? What about all the real life soldiers who really had to go through it, watching their friends and companions die off as they kept marching forward in an effort to protect someone they didn't even know and a country they may never see again? By the time Jeff returned to the living room, I was sobbing.

I've always understood the pain and impact of war, but somehow it never seemed as real to me as it did in those few moments while the credits ran. So many people sacrifice so much for me and I'm completely oblivious. And would I be willing to do the same? Would I put myself in the path of war so that someone I didn't know could live a life of freedom? Would I be willing to give up those men in my life, my brothers or my husband, for the same?

After sobbing on his shoulder for a few minutes, I looked at Jeff and said "And this is why I don't watch war movies."

Thank you to all the men and women who have served for our country. And thank you to all the civilians who have let their loved ones go to be our heroes.

Day 22: The Cuteness of My Pet

You really want to hear about how cute my Esther is? Because she's pretty darn cute.

I got Esther when I was in college. She was a surprise gift from my pastor and his family. They knew how much I wanted a kitty and now that I was living off campus, a pet was finally an option. I couldn't say no, but I had failed to mention that my roommate was allergic to cats. But I took her home and by the time Heather came back from Ohio where she was visiting family, I was pretty sure I didn't want to let her go again. She was so darn cute that even Heather was willing to take the allergy meds (which turned out to not be needed as much as we thought since she seemed to grow out of her allergy as she got older).

She's never been a big fan of other animals. When Heather decided that she wanted a cat also, Esther wanted nothing to do with her. She took to hiding out in my room as much as possible. When Heather's cat had kittens, Esther's mothering instinct never surfaced. She despised having all those cats around, even though they were tiny and sweet and never did anything to her. If she had to leave my room to get to the kitchen for food, she'd creep down the hall very carefully and then pause when she got by Heather's room and peek in. If any of the kittens were anywhere close by, she'd hiss at them and bolt the rest of the way to the kitchen. Then she'd gobble her food and race back to the safety of my bedroom.

When, I first moved back to Washington, I was worried that Esther would get lonely without me or a roommate at the house, so I found another cat who needed a home and brought him to live with us. They didn't really get along. Max was friendly, but Esther. . . not so much. Eventually, Max and us had to part ways and both cats are much happier for it.

Of course, then there were the dogs. Jade and Esther came to an understanding pretty quickly that as long as Jade left her alone, Esther would tolerate her presence. Lucca never really got the concept and my poor old kitty started having to run for her life and hide in my closet all the time.

Now there are no other animals at the house, so Esther is once again  free to roam the house at her own pace. She's very affectionate to me and has taken quite a liking to Jeff (although I'm pretty sure that has a lot to do with him giving him the rest of his tuna every morning after making his lunch for work). She still runs around like a psycho kitty, still seems to have her imaginary friends, and still has quite the "only child" attitude.

And speaking of attitude, my kitty is overflowing with it. She only cuddles with us on her terms, is VERY vocal about whether or not we are giving her the attention she desires or feeding her at the speed she expects. She doesn't like change very much, so when Jeff first moved in and we started changing the layout of the living room, she would blame him and give him the cold shoulder (or perhaps it's more accurate to say "the tail"). If we shut the door to the bedroom and she wants to be in there with us, she makes sure to make her displeasure loud and clear. And she rarely lets us walk past her without some kind of acknowledgement, even if it's to yell at her for attacking our ankles.Thankfully, she's declawed (that's part of the reason why).

Despite the fact that she's almost 13 years old, Esther still loves to run around and play at the house. Jeff and I laugh when we see that her race from the kitchen, thru the living room, and up the stairs as if she's being chased by cat-catchers. We can hear her run around the rooms upstairs as she chases invisible toys. I've seen her in a dead sleep on the couch, suddenly wake up, run to the other end of the room, and drop back into a deep sleep. Bad dream, perhaps?

And that's my baby girl. Or maybe more like my teenage brat girl. 

Day 21: Explain My Scars

My apologies to you, my friends, but I will be passing on this challenge. I don't have any physical scars to tell you about. I've never broken anything or had stitches. All my cuts have healed completely; sometimes very, very slowly, but always completely. I've never had anything removed or inserted medically. Obviously, there are no baby scars or even stretch marks to talk about. I've been a very fortunate person so far.

That's not to say there are no scars whatsoever. I have plenty of emotional scars from my childhood, but I really don't want to share the details of those. I'm sure you can understand and forgive me for keeping those scars to myself. At least I hope so.

Day 20: A Regret

I have a hard time thinking of a regret that I have because I think of a regret as something I would do differently if I had the chance. And yes, there are several things that I would do differently in my past or that I wish I did or didn't do, but every experience has worked together to create the person I am right now.

But I do have one regret. As strange as it sounds, I wish I would have studied harder when I was in college. I did enough to get me through, but I don't really feel like I put enough effort into it. I think I was a little tired of the whole studying thing since I went straight to college from high school. I've noticed that since I've been out for 10 years, taking classes is much more exciting and enjoyable. I put so much more effort into the classes that I take now. Before I just wanted to pass; now I want to excel. I'm one of those overachieving students that all the average students hate and I love every minute of it.  I've proven to myself that I am capable of it and sometimes I even like to challenge myself to retake classes I barely passed before just to prove to myself that I can. I really wish I had been that person before. Just think how amazingly brilliant and intimidatingly smart I would be today. . .

Day 19: My Favorite Quote

I am having a lot of trouble picking a favorite. I actually have a small book that I keep near-by that I write down quotes I hear or read that actually say something to me. The quotes come from movies, books, songs, TV shows, inspirational speeches, signs by the road. . . there's no telling where I might find something that I'm going to want to remember. I flipped through it again tonight and was amazed at how hard it is to pick just one favorite. But there is one that is special, one that I read in a story many, many years ago, that I have never forgotten, that has always stuck in my mind, and so I think that is the one I will share tonight. The exact book and author have long been forgotten, unfortunately, but the quote holds firmly in my memory. I do remember the quote was spoken when discussing relationships, but I have a feeling it applies to other things too.

"God always replaces good with better, better with best, and best with his perfect will."

I have to say that in my experience, I've found this to be true.

Day 18: A Picture of Me 10 Years Ago

May, 2001: I graduated from Lee University. I lived in the small town of Cleveland Tennessee. Heather and Brian were my family. And I swore I would never get my hair cut again because I hated how short the stupid hair stylist cut it this time. 

This was me 10 years ago.
 

Day 17: A Youtube Video

There was no doubt in my mind which video I was going to put up today. I don't generally spend a lot of time browsing youtube (actually, I spend none), but I ran across this video on facebook and absolutely loved it. So, my video to share is this one:

How long do you think it would take for me and Jade to learn to do that???

Day 16: A Letter to Someone Who Has Hurt Me Recently

Dear Deema,

I know you were a little worried about this challenge because things have been going so well lately that you can't remember the last time someone hurt you. But was it really necessary to take it out on me? I mean, it's not like you had a bad day at work, so you weren't slamming around the office in a bad mood. And it's not like you haven't been sitting at that particular desk for about 10 months now. You know how high the desk sits, so why do you have to keep slamming my knee into it like you don't realize it was there. Big, ugly bruises don't really go with my lady-like outfits, you know. And it turns out that today you managed to hit a nerve of some kind, so now I'm limping. How do you expect me to wear my pretty heels with confidence and attitude tomorrow?

I understand that you get distracted, and I try to ignore the occasional bump every now and then, but I'd really appreciate it if you would be a little more gentle on my body in the future. It's starting to get old and you really need to start taking better care of it. In return, I'm sure my body will give you many good years with your husband.

Thanks for understanding,
Deema

Day 15: A Picture of Something I Ate Today

How about something I was ABOUT to eat because after I ate it, it was really hard to get a picture of it.

I had lunch with mom and Don today. We ate at the dining room at Clark (which, by the way, is always very good). Mondays are always buffet style. I had Teriyaki Chicken (on a bone!), soy rice, and salad. Yum.

Oh, and we can't forget desert, of course. Super chocolate-y Bunt cake. Double yum!

Day 14: Someone Who Fascinates Me

Okay, before I start this one, I want to make it very clear that I am drawing a clear distinction between the words "fascinate" and "admire". It's possible to admire someone but not really be fascinated by them (as Steph so wonderfully proved in her day 14 challenge). It's also possible to be totally fascinated by someone you have no admiration for at all. This happens to be one of those cases.

My fascination is not so much on one particular person, but rather a "type" of person. For the sake of people who might get overly concerned that I have a twisted mind, I'll stay focused on the fictional versions of the real life people.

As strange as it sounds, I find the criminals represented on Criminal Minds to be intriguingly fascinating. Not because I'm impressed with their deviant behaviors and disregard for human life, but rather because I find it fascinating how differently their minds work from the rest of society. It boggles my mind to try and understand what it is in someone's brain that makes them think it's okay to kill someone just for the sake of killing them, what defect is happening in their pleasure center to make them only satisfied at torturing another human being, what damage has happened for them to disregard the social norms for something understandable to only them. The harder they are to get caught, the more fascinated I become.

Stories about people like the Boston Strangler and Jack the Ripper intrigue me. I abhor what they do to other people, but there's some part of me that wishes I could sit down with them and really hear their side of the story, their thoughts on the matters. I wish I could study their brain functions and really get into how their minds work.

No fear, my friends, there are heroic types that fascinate me too. Sherlock Holmes, although fictional, is another of my major fascinations. I guess what it really comes down to, is I'm fascinated by people who use their brain is ways that are different than the norm. Whether for good or evil, whether I approve or not of the use, doesn't change the fact that their brain works differently than most men and women. And that is what really fascinates me.

Maybe I should have been a counselor or psychiatrist. The brain fascinates me and those people on the fringe of society really make me think.

Does that make me twisted?

Day 13: My Five Attractive (Famous) Guys

Do I have a "type"? I like them tall, dark, handsome, brave, and very smart. And musical. I especially like the ones in the "protector" roles. These are my five picks for attractive men who are not my husband:

David Boreanaz

Of course. He's my number one celebrity crush, now and forever. As Angel, he was dark and brooding with just the hint of angry bad boy. As agent Seely Booth, he's brave and compassionate, the kind of man you would want to rescue you, even if you're not the damsel-in-distress type.

Kevin Costner

An oldie, but a goodie. No matter how old he gets (and let me say, he does age very well anyway) he'll always be Robin Hood to me. Except for those times when I need to feel protected. Then I pull out The Bodyguard and sigh at his power and punch.

Shermar Moore

While Criminal Minds would still be good without him, it wouldn't be quite as worth the watch. From what I understand, this handsome fellow used to be some soap star, but I think he's much more attractive in a less "sappy" type of setting. Hot, hot, hot!

Brendan Hinds

A little lesser known to most, he brings out the secret side of me that finds the geeky guys a bit attractive too. Gotta love a guy with a brain. For those of you who do not recognize this good looking fellow, he plays the super smart (and sometimes a bit too honest) Eli Loker on Lie To Me.

Josh Groban

This is my one pick that I don't get to see very often since he's not an actor. But, oh, his voice! Even if he wasn't a cutie (which he is), he'd have to go on my list simply because of his gorgous singing voice. It makes me melt. Whenever I hear him on the radio I have to stop what I'm doing so that I can thoroughly enjoy the moment. And in fact, I look forward to the Christmas music season all year because he sings not one, but TWO of my favorite Christmas songs (O Holy Night and Believe). Yep, I could sigh over this guy forever.

PS: for fairness sake, I told Jeff he could list his top five attractive famous women. His picks are: Nancy Wilson (from Heart), Selma Hayek, Gabrielle Reece (volleyball player), Eva Mendez, and Ann Hathaway (the movie Get Smart was really what did it for him). He had a very hard time with this one and I put him on the spot, so those are just the five he came up with in the last 15 minutes. He's sure as soon as I hit "publish post" that he'll think of someone else. Oh well, this is my challenge, not his.

Day 12: The Highs and Lows of the Year

Lucky for me, this one is going to be short and sweet. I had an unusually happy and carefree year this past year. I didn't really have many lows and if I did, the highs overshadowed them to the point that they are not even in my memory. And trust me, it's not like I haven't tried to remember. But this is really what I remember of the past year:

The Lows (as far as I can recall):
-- DJ moving back out of town so I can no longer see him all the time.
-- Derrick moving out so I hardly ever see him anymore.
-- Jade moving with Derrick so I hardly see her anymore.

The Highs:
-- Steph and her kids moving across the courtyard so I can see them more often.
-- Meeting Jeff.
-- Dating Jeff.
-- Getting engaged.
-- Marrying Jeff (of course! The biggest high of them all!)

It's amazing to me what a difference a year can make. 

Day 11: Somewhere I'd Like To Move To Or Visit

There was a time, a long time ago, that I wanted to move to Boston and live. I loved the idea of being in the big, sophisticated city; the busyness of my surroundings, taking the subway to the places I needed to go, the expensive yet tiny apartments. It sounded like a great living place.

Of course I knew it wouldn't be a great place for me to raise my family. I'm not a parent, but I'm already aware of things that are taught in the school districts that I do not agree with. But it would have been a fun single life.

Now that I've moved back home, I can't imagine living so far away from my family again. It didn't seem like such a big thing when I was already far away, but after returning home, it's hard to consider leaving again.

 

 But that doesn't mean I wouldn't like to travel some. In fact, my dream has always been to go to England. I've been in love with England for as long as I can remember. It seems that all my favorite stories, characters, and ideas came from that royal land across the sea. I want to see the red telephone booths, Big Ben, the Royal Guards, London Bridge, and the wall that Robin Hood (played by the ever attractive Kevin Costner) walked on. I want to walk the streets, eat the food, and read the literature of our motherland. It's one of my strongest and longest standing desires and I'm hoping that one day, getting there will be more than just a dream for me.

Day 10: One Day From Beginning To End

I have to apologize, but unfortunately this challenge had to happen on the most boring day of my week. So, as hard as I try, I know this one won't be all that interesting. At least I'll try to avoid the true redundancy of my day (paperwork, answer phone, more paperwork, hand out a check, more paperwork, answer the phone, hand out another check, answer the phone again, more paperwork. . .  you get the idea). But here you go, a Wednesday in the life of Deema:

* Jeff's alarm goes off and wakes us up. He gets up, I stay in bed.
* Wake up enough to kiss my husband good-bye and wish him a good day.
* My alarm goes off and I ignore it for as long as possible.
* Finally drag my tired butt out of my nice, warm, comfy bed.
* Blurry-eyed, I find some kind of outfit that matches. 
* Make the bed
* Brush my hair and teeth and take my handful of medication.
* Grab an apple and some noodles for lunch and run out the door.
* Drive to work while listening to the radio. Complain that the 8 @ 8 is 2 minutes early (today's theme is the 31st anniversary of the eruption of Mt. St. Helens)
* Arrive at work
* Open the office (get checks out of safe, unlock file cabinets, turn on computer)
* Start the morning with an employment verification by phone. Fun.
* Work on overtime timesheets for current payroll.
* Get irritated with the Union Dues Billing person.
* Spend 2 minutes talking with Esperanza while oatmeal cooks. Realize something I hadn't considered about Jeff. Mental note to talk to him later tonight about it.
* Get frustrated when the new payroll system won't let me log in. Stupid computer!
* Struggle with an overpayment figure.
* Temporarily have trouble locating a paycheck because I look in the M's for Norris. Duh!
* Run down to the "dungeon" (file archives) to find a couple of files. Can only find one. Turns out the other is filed upstairs in with the current files.
* Stop what I'm working on to do another employment verification on the phone.
* Hand out several more checks.
* Forget I had put letterhead in the printer and have to reprint my document again. Doh!
* Fax in some written verifications.
* Call hubby to have him pick up some items for dinner tonight.
* Yet another employment verification.
* Research an overpayment situation. Try to figure out how to explain it without saying "it's your own dumb fault!" Can't come up with a polite response, so I pass it over to Sherri to explain.
* Lunchtime (finally!)
* Eat thai noodles and an apple while spending some brainless time on facebook.
* Grudgingly return to work.
* Have a conversation with Sherri about my "creative input methods". If I'm going to do it wrong, I should at least do it consistently wrong.
* Wonder how someone who hasn't made a timesheet since February can expect me to have a paycheck for him.
* Much needed bathroom break (too much water during the morning part of my day!)
* Set up some new employees in the system.
* Seriously consider shredding all the papers on my desk, but reconsider for the sake of my job. Try to decide which pile to tackle next.
* Enter the last minute jobs that just came in.
* Help someone trying to remember her dates of employment.
* Walk out to the copier to make copies of jobs just entered to be mailed to the employees for their records.
* Experience extreme disappointment when I look at the clock and see it's only 3:00 and I still have two hours to fill.
* Go through today's mail.
* Make some hot tea to break up the boringness of the water I've been drinking.
* Realize my phone's camera no longer works as a result of my phone's wild ride through the washing machine in the pocket of my sweatshirt a few weeks ago. Sad.
* Add up and enter timesheets for current pay period.
* Go on a hunt for something sweet. Find dark chocolate covered almonds at Ruby's desk.
* Alphabetize the stuff entered today for Sherri to check tomorrow.
* Attempt to take my cup back to the kitchen but get stopped by several people wanting to get checks.
* Try again, this time successfully, to leave my box. Wash my cup and put away. Return just in time to hand out yet another check.
* Wonder if the clock on my computer is broken because it says it's only 4:17.
* Start setting up stack of special assignments even though that payroll doesn't run for another few weeks.
* Finally hear other people leaving. Turn off computer, put checks back in safe, lock file cabinets.
* Drive home, somehow managing to miss the usual bad traffic.
* Arrive home 5 minutes early.
* Start making dinner. Have to go with plan B since husband wasn't able to get everything I needed for my first idea. Love him anyway for trying.
* Watch two episodes of How I Met Your Mother with Jeff while eating dinner.
* Enjoy some quiet alone time while Jeff goes out to the gym. Find a new game to play on the computer (yeah, that's all I need).
* Watch the season finale of Criminal Minds with Jeff.
* Take a few minutes to post my boring day on my blog for the daily challenge.
* Turn off downstairs lights and double check the locks on the door. Head upstairs where my husband is reading and waiting for me.
* Brush my teeth.
* Crawl into bed. Talk to Jeff a little about our day and some of the stuff we've been thinking about.
* Kiss him goodnight and turn off the light. Drift off to sleep and wait for tomorrow to come.

Day 9: The iPod Shuffle

My music selections are pretty random and diverse. Most of the stuff I listen to no one I know recognizes. This is either because I'm listening to kiddie-pop (love those Disney/Nickelodeon kids!) or I'm listening to brand new stuff that just came out. My radio station has this feature called "New Music Heaven" where every week they feature a new song from a new or lesser known artist or band. They've been doing it for about a year and a half now, and every Wednesday, they provide a link to download the song they are featuring that week. So, every week, my music playlist gets updated by at least one new song that no one else has heard before (although sometimes they end up becoming popular and get heard on several stations, in which case I can proudly say, "I had that song before it was overplayed!"). So putting my music on "shuffle" always brings up an interesting variety of songs:

1. The Frog Prince -- Keane

2. Funhouse -- Pink

3. It's Alright, It's Okay -- Ashley Tisdale  (Disney artist)

4. Get Some -- Lykke Li  (New Music Heaven)

5. Wicked Blood -- Sea Wolf  (Yay! This is one of my favorites from the New Music Heaven bunch. I love this one!)

6, Post Break-Up Sex -- The Vaccines  (New Music Heaven)

7. Raining Sunshine -- Miranda Cosgrove  (Nickelodeon artist)

8. Gives You Hell - All-American Rejects

9. In Your Heart -- A Place to Bury Strangers  (Why do I even have this song on here? Sure, it's one of the New Music Heaven songs, but everytime it plays I think "I don't even like this one". Yet I never take it off. Strange)

10. Broken Toy -- Keane  (Hmm, bookending my list with Keane. . . not intentional, but pretty cool.)

Day 8: Something I Miss

I used to think I was a cat person. In fact, I was rather avid about not being around dogs. My mom's dogs eventually grew on me, but in general, I wanted nothing to do with them.

Then came Jade.

Jade came into my life one Christmas afternoon. One of my cousins arrived at grandma and grandpa's house carrying the sweetest black puppy and saying she needed a home. My brother was ready to take her in a heartbeat. Only problem was that he was supposed to be moving in with me within the next few months. And like I said, I was a cat person.

But Derrick wanted her so badly. And she really, really needed a home, so I gave in and within a few months Derrick and Jade moved in with Esther and me.

It didn't take long for me to fall head over heels in love with Jade. And Jade grew up viewing me as "mommy" (dogs don't understand human relations, so it didn't bother me to think of her daddy as Derrick and me as her mommy). I was even the one to take her through obedience school.

When Jeff and I got engaged, Derrick and I discussed our living arrangement. Obviously, things would have to change. Derrick was in a situation that called for him to move before my wedding, so I was going to be left in my apartment without a roommate and without the dogs for a couple of months. Derrick knew how hard it was for me to let Jade go, and he couldn't afford the pet deposit at his new place quite yet, so we agreed that Jade would stay with me for a little longer (Derrick was only moving around the corner, so it wasn't like he would be far from his girl).

Unfortunately, my landlord didn't feel this was a reasonable situation. For whatever reason, he had taken a disliking to Derrick and Jade's anti-social personality made him scared of her, so he insisted that since Derrick moved out, his dog had to go too. He even threatened my uncle's job if he didn't get her out NOW!

I cried so hard when I realized there was no way around it. It was the first time that Jeff saw me cry in our dating history. He had a hard time understanding (he's a cat person, without question).

I've started to get used to the quiet of not having the dogs here, but not a day goes by when I don't think to myself "I miss Jade so much!" Sometimes Jeff will take pity on me and let me bring her over to play for a few hours. Whenever she sees me, she gets so excited and my heart breaks every time I have to take her home. I won't even go over to Derrick's unless I intend to bring Jade back with me because I can't stand to see those sad, confused, brown eyes staring at me as I walk out the door without her. I miss her so much!

Day 7: From the Bible

I'm not sure if it would be considered my "favorite" bible verse, but it's a very special one to me. It's one I discovered when I started dating Jeff and I have always tried to make it a guide to our relationship. I think so far we've been better for it, and I hope I can always keep it etched in my head and heart so that Jeff and I will always be able to forgive each other.

"Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other's faults because of your love." Ephesians 4:2, NLT

Day 6: Somewhere I've Traveled To

This is probably the easiest and most convenient challenge for me. It just so happens that I recently traveled and since I'm sure people would like to hear at least a little about it, this is the perfect opportunity for me to share. Yay for easy for once!

For our honeymoon, my only request to Jeff was "somewhere warm". He did wonderfully; we went to Catalina Island in California.

Catalina was beautiful. The weather was warm, but not hot. It was perfect for wearing a sundress, but not having to worry about my hair going limp or my make-up melting off my face. I even got a sunburn on my shoulders on the first day (silly me, I'm so used to our cloudy northwestern sky that I forgot that California requires sunscreen until it was too late). No worries, though; my very smart husband was prepared with the Aloe to sooth the burn and sunscreen to keep it from getting worse in the following days.

We spent four nights in the cozy and quaint Glenmore Plaza hotel. It was so cute. Our room was painted purple! It was the coolest room ever! They weren't quite so modern as most hotels around here. They used actual keys in the doors instead of the electronic kind, so Jeff and I had to come and go together so that we didn't accidentally lock one another out of the room. Our room was on the fourth floor and they didn't have an elevator, so we walked three flights every time we wanted to do something. I tried to look at it as I was free to eat whatever junk I wanted (we found THE BEST hot dog place while there!) and returning to our room would burn the calories right off of me. :)

The sky and water were shades of blue that took my breath away. Even after almost a week of viewing it, I couldn't stop commenting on the beauty of it all. The island was so small and everything was so close that we didn't even feel the need to rent a golf cart (cars are scarce on the island. There's a five year waiting list to bring one on). We ate at many neat restaurants, took a glass-bottom boat and a bus tour, did karaoke two nights, and scoured all the shops for some great souvenirs. There was a little crafting store right across from our hotel where Jeff actually let me loose to find the perfect items for my honeymoon scrapbook. Oh, how I am looking forward to starting it!

The island was a perfect get away for two honeymooners just getting used to their new roles as husband and wife. Jeff and I will definitely find an opportunity to return sometime.

Day 5: What Makes Me Happy

It's more than just a piece of jewelry. 

It's a symbol. 

A symbol that reminds me that no matter what, I'll never again have to go through situations alone. 

A symbol that reminds me that even when my mood has me acting less than lovable, someone has made the choice to continue to love me anyway.

A symbol that says that someone accepts my eternal love and devotion.

A symbol that the good times will be great and the bad times will be forgiven.

Day 4: A Song to Match My Mood

All day I thought on this challenge. The hardest part was deciding on which moment to pick a song from. Most days, I go through a few different moods and emotions, so it's hard to pin down just one long enough to find a song to match it. Usually just as I start to find that perfect song, I realize my mood has changed and the song no longer applies.

So, instead of viewing "mood" as a particular feeling at whatever moment I'm considering. I thought of my "mood" as my general outlook on my life. And when I put it that perspective, the song was stunningly obvious.

It's this song that I randomly break into when I'm driving down the road, or walking to the mailbox, or putting my freashly laundered clothes away. This is the song that discribes how I felt my life has moved over the past year. And it's an outlook I hope stays with me, even when it starts to "rain" on me again.

Day 3: My Parents

My parents. . . I have no idea how I'm supposed to do this entry, but as it is part of the challenge, I'm going to have to give it a try.

My mom and dad got married when my mom was the tender young age of 16. Six months later (less than a week before her 17th birthday) I was born.

I'm not going to go into all the gruesome details of my childhood and what I learned from my parents. I definitely learned what an unhealthy relationship looked like, though. Not that it stopped me from walking straight on into several of my own. But at least I knew how to recognize it once I was there.

Mom and dad divorced while I was in college. As harsh as it sounds to admit, I think it was the best thing to happen, at least for mom and myself. Because that's when Don came into our lives.

Don treated mom with the love and respect that she had been denied for so long. And he still does. He taught  her how to be gentle and caring (she's always been loving in her own, somewhat abrasive way, but now she can do it with tenderness). He respects and honors her, loves to be around her, and accepted her kids almost as his own.

Especially me. Don has always treated me with the love of a father, the way a good father would and should care for his daughter. His love and respect toward my mother proved to me that relationships can be happy, healthy and full of love. I've never seen my mom happier than she's been since he's been around. I noticed that my dating choices became more selective the more I watched the two of them, as I tried to find my own relationship that mirrored theirs. And when I finally found it, there was no doubt that I would ask Don to fill the role of "father of the bride".

I admire my mom for her strength and wisdom. She does what she believes is right, even if it goes against the ideas of those around her. She knows what she wants to do and does it, and when she doesn't really know, she tries anyway. She was brave enough to do what she felt was best for her family, even when everyone around her told her not to. And she protects her family with a passion. Most people like to use the "mama bear" metaphor, but let me tell you, I'd pity any mama bear who tried to take on my Mama Bear.

I admire Don for his sensitivity and love. He showed me that relationship can be worth it. And even though he doesn't realize it, he's helped me deal with the disappointment of my past so that I can look forward to the future without feeling held back by pain.


I'm lucky to have parents like mom and Don. I hope that Jeff and I can show our children the same love and respect for one another and teach them to never settle for less than that.

Day 2: My First (and Forever) Love

When I was about three, my mom walked by my room and heard my little girl voice telling a story outloud to myself. She peeked in and found me sitting on the floor with my favorite Winnie-the-Pooh book in front of me. I was reading the story, exactly as she read it to me many times before, turning the pages to continue following the story. She was amazed that I was reading so well at three years of age. Then she looked a little closer and realized that I was holding the book upside down. Apparently I'd had her read it to me so many times that I had memorized the story word-for-word, complete with when the pages were supposed to be turned.

However, it didn't take me long to figure out how to read those words for real. By the time I started kindergarten, I was reading at a first grade level. During reading time, I'd leave the room and work with some other people. While the rest of my classmates were learning how to sound out c - a - t, I was reading stories about a clueless maid named Amelia Bedelia who always managed to mess things up, a black and white dog named Harry who hated taking baths, and various rhyming nonsense from the ever popular Dr. Suess (my favorite was Hop on Pop. I checked it out from the library every chance I got.)

And thus began my eternal love affair with books.

Most of my childhood memories somehow include my books. I remember the endless car rides to who-cares-where for "family vacation" where I discovered the Margo series (a Christian mystery series from the 60's that I dug out of my grandmothers collection). And those random times when my parents decided to pretend we were the camping sort and would drag me and my brothers to their version of a "campsite" where I would find a quiet area under some trees and lose myself anywhere but there.

I remember in grade school when we would get those book order pamphlets. My mom would always let me pick one book from them and I would pour over the options and debate my choices until she finally gave in and let me get two. Then I would wait anxiously for the day the books would arrive and when they finally did, I wouldn't be able to wait until the end of the school day so that I could rush home and curl up with my precious new treasures.

I remember discovering the Baby-sitters Club books from one of those book orders. They were the greatest books ever and soon became my best friends. I remember how sad I was in Jr. High to have to give them up in order to grow into some older matieral. I then grew into the Sweet Valley High series. I remember my brothers in tee-ball on Saturdays, which happened to be right next to the library, so each week I would go over and collect as many of the books I could get my hands on and check them out, just to bring them back next week and swap them for some that I hadn't seen yet. And in high school, when I sadly had to come to the same farewell to those friends as well.

In college I took a Lit for Adolescents class, which introduced me to the classic "coming of age" stories that most people read in high school, but I missed because I was taking college Literiture classes instead. Stories like "To Kill a Mockingbird", "The Outsiders", "Lord of the Flies", and "Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry". I rediscovered the beauty and innocents of adolescent literature and started reading other things directed to that age group. I also decided to start dabbling in the true classics: Jane Austen, Charles Dickens, Nathanial Hawthorne and the like.

Over the course of many years, I've spent considerably less time with my love than I used to. I try to sneak in an hour here or there, maybe during my lunch or just before bed, but as life continues to bring new passions into my life, my old one gets set to the side once again.

But I'll never completely lose my first love. My dream is to one day have a home that has a large library where I can display all my treasured friends and a place for us to reunite from time to time.

30 Day Challenge: Day 1

So, my friend Stephanie has been doing this 30 day challenge in her blog lately. I think she's at day 16. It's interesting to learn things about my friend who I've known since childhood. And it's kind of fun knowing I will have something new to read every single day for once. My aunt has been getting on me for being so lazy and not writing much this past year, so I thought I'd steal Steph's idea and take up the challenge myself.

I won't lie: I'm a little worried that I won't be up to the challenge. It turns out that married life is a lot more busy and exhausting than I expected. Bedtime has become earlier, my evenings are spent actually doing "stuff", and my alarm has gone off EVERY MORNING (yes, even Saturdays!) at 6:45 am. And I thought I didn't have time to write while I was dating Jeff. . .

But I'm going to give it a very good try and hope that I can get myself into the habit of taking a little time every night before going to bed to jot down a little something. Maybe after 30 days, I'll be able to keep up with the daily life writing again.

So, here we go. Challenge #1 asks for 15 interesting facts about myself. I'll give you 15 facts and you can decide if they are interesting:

1. I like things to match. And I mean, I like EVERYTHING to match: my socks, my furniture, my book collections, my dishes. It's one of my quirks that is taking Jeff a little time to adjust to. Right now he finds it a charming quirk. Hopefully he continues to see it that way. . .

2. I have a long-standing and ever constant battle with anxiety and depression. I've actually been on Prozac for about three and a half years and Welbutrin for about a year and a half now. It's taken a lot of hard work, but I'm finally starting to understand my symptoms, my times, and what I can do to help pull me out of it a bit quicker. But it's still a battle and one I will probably deal with forever.

3. My favorite food is Mexican. Tacos, enchiladas, nachos, burritos, churros. . . yum!

4. I'm apt to choose a salty snack over a sweet one almost every time. Unless brownies are one of the choices. Then it's a whole different story for my taste buds.

5. I hate camping. But I love Jeff enough to keep trying.

6. I recently discovered I have an allergy to buckwheat. Which is very sad because I absolutely adore buckwheat pancakes.

7. I like being left alone, but not necessarily ALL alone. I don't mind (and sometimes even prefer) for someone to be in the room, but not talking to me (unless that someone is in an angry silence. Then I hate having them around).

8. I change my perfume everytime I change boyfriends. I guess I should really be writing this one in past tense since I will have no more boyfriends from here on out. But the reason I did this is because smell is the most powerful trigger of memories, so I would change perfumes so as not to bring an ex into the next relationship. To be honest, I was beginning to worry that I would run out of pleasant scents. But luckily, Jeff solved that problem. And in case you're wondering, the scent I chose with Jeff (and therefore will probably be my fragrance for life) is Japanese Cherry Blossom.

9. I hate Georgia the way most New Yorkers hate New Jersey. I don't know why, and I don't really care. That's just the way it is.

10. I have a hard time with change. It makes the whole settling into marriage thing a challenge. But as hard as change is for me, I hate boring routines and the same-old, same-old even more. So I have to accept it, even if it is a bit grudgingly.

11. The only current events I bother to listen to come from the "Jon Stewart Minute" on my radio station. At least I can laugh for a moment when he comments about something happening in the world of politics and foreign affairs. The news in general just depresses me, so I refuse to watch it.

12. I own 43 pairs of shoes. And yes, that's after I gave away about a dozen so that my new husband would have room in our closet for his few pairs. But that's not going to stop me from buying more. Pink sandals are very much desired at the moment and I've been given the okay to order them. Yay!

13. Sometimes I'd rather cheer for the bad guy. But only the really smart, very clever ones, of course. If they are brilliant, they should be cheered for. At least in my mind.

14. I've been scrapbooking since before it became a super hobby. I picked it up in college, as a way to share my strange new life with my two younger brothers back at home. My first scrapbooks were made with construction paper, some Crayola markers, and generic Wal-Mart stickers.

15. My biggest fear is that I will fail as a wife. It's the title I've wanted for so long and now that I have it, I worry that I'll end up disappointing my husband. More than anything, I want to be the woman and wife that Jeff deserves, because he's been so  much more to me than I could ever express.

License to Marry

Jeff and I went to get our marriage license today! It's strange how exciting such little (and somewhat mundane) things can end upu being. I took off from work early because they are only open Monday-Friday 8-5, which is of course my work schedule too. Jeff came to my office and got me around 2:30.

I'm not sure why, but I was really nervous. My knees were weak, my stomach was woozy, and I was having a little trouble breathing. I tried to remind myself that there was nothing to be nervous about; no test is required and they weren't going to tell us "no".

Neither of us thought to bring our camera, so we had to use my camera phone to get a picture of us while we waited. The first one I took was a terrible composition for a photo, but it pretty much showed our emotions at that moment:

How can he be so calm? Why couldn't I be like that. I decided my hand was shaking too much to get a good photo, so he took over: 

Finally we got it. It really didn't take a long time. We were in and out in less than half an hour, which was nice. Later we stopped by his folk's house to get a good picture of us and our pretty certificate.

And in case you are wondering, yes, the stomach and breathing went back to normal when it was all over.